U.S. NEWS
FBI Director Kash Patel Sues The Atlantic for $250 Million After They Consulted Their Imaginary Friends for News
In a shocking development that has left the legacy media clutching their pearls, FBI Director Kash Patel filed a $250...
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POLITICS
Mystery Deepens as Ilhan Omar Goes from Multimillionaire to Practically Homeless Overnight
In a shocking financial "whodunnit" that has baffled accountants, investigators, and anyone with basic math skills, Rep. Ilhan Omar (D-MN)...
WORLD NEWS
Swalwell Campaign Insists Candidate Is Real, Just Too Busy To Appear In Real Time
California gubernatorial candidate Eric Swalwell’s campaign clarified this week that the congressman remains fully available to voters, provided they do...
Hunter Biden Spotted Playing Real-Life ‘Where In The World Is Accountability?’ While Debt Collectors Spin Globe
Hunter Biden has reportedly embraced his current financial situation by launching an international hide-and-seek tour, challenging creditors to track him...
Paris Unveils “Unarmed Policing 2.0,” Encourages Officers To Pivot Away From Safety
PARIS — Officials in a Paris suburb this week announced the launch of “Unarmed Policing 2.0,” an innovative new approach...
Far-Left Activists Fly To Cuba To Fight Oppression, Immediately Locate Only Building With Electricity
HAVANA — A group of far-left activists traveled to Cuba this week to stand in solidarity with struggling residents, promptly...
ENTERTAINMENT
Shocking: Even Netflix Got Tired of Being Lectured by Former President
In a stunning display of corporate courage rarely seen in Hollywood, Netflix has decided not to renew its mega-deal with...
Gavin Newsom Declares Himself Literary Genius After Buying 67,000 Copies of His Own Book
In a stunning display of literary achievement that puts Shakespeare to shame, California Governor Gavin Newsom has officially become a...
Rosie O’Donnell Shocked — Democrat Turns Out to Be Flawed Human
In a stunning display of selective moral outrage, professional Trump-hater Rosie O’Donnell has erupted in TikTok rage over Eric Swalwell’s...
Jimmy Kimmel and Stephen Colbert Suddenly Develop Mysterious Case of Laryngitis Over Eric Swalwell’s Exit
In a stunning display of journalistic courage and comedic timing, Jimmy Kimmel and Stephen Colbert have gone completely radio silent...
SPORTS
CBS Misses Rory McIlroy’s Final Masters Shots After Deciding “Everyone At Augusta Won”
In a devastating blow to Americans who still believe sports broadcasts should show the sport, CBS reportedly missed Rory McIlroy’s...
CB Bucknor Praised By Progressive MLB Fans For Liberating Baseball From Outdated ‘Safe’ And ‘Out’ Labels
Major League Baseball unveiled its most progressive rule change yet Tuesday night after an umpire made a call so confusing...
MLB Unveils Liberal Strike Robot To Eliminate America’s Last Acceptable Public Argument
Major League Baseball unveiled its latest left-wing innovation this week: a strike-zone robot capable of making bad calls with the...
LA Marathon Introduces ‘Spirit Of Completion’ Medal For Runners Who Considered Showing Up
LOS ANGELES — Organizers of the Los Angeles Marathon unveiled a groundbreaking new policy this weekend awarding a “Spirit of...
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