With the election just days away, did you know there are candidates besides Kamala Harris and Donald Trump? While no one reasonably expects them to impact the election very much, we thought it would still be the responsible thing to inform you of all the fringe candidates you might not have realized were running for President this year!
Jill Stein
Jill Stein Water is wet, the sky is blue, and Jill Stein is on the Presidential ballot for some reason. A for effort, champ.
Local McDonald’s Manager Tony Graham
“If Trump can do my job, I’m gonna do his, damn it!” said Graham upon announcing his candidacy. His campaign reportedly lost many of his core supporters after Tony posted next week’s schedule, however.
Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson
Although he’s denied his political aspirations for a while at this point, I think we can all agree he’d be a good president. If enough of us write him in, maybe he’ll get the hint.
Stone Cold Steve Austin
Or if you prefer The Texas Rattlesnake, write him in! This is the power of democracy on display, folks.
Robert F. Kennedy Jr., Jr
Yes, there’s another one, and this one is three foot tall and reportedly fully controlled by the worm in his brain.
Joe Biden
Technically he’s not running, of course, but everyone feels too bad to tell Joe. It’s still real to him, the poor guy.
Bernie Sanders
Bernie just runs for President, it’s what he does! Similar to Biden, no one has the heart to tell these old-timers it’s over for them.
Aaron Rodgers
His appearances on The Pat McAfee Show were drawing more buzz during the pandemic, but during his most recent interview on the program last month he confirmed this. He’s running on a platform of “If I’m President I’ll Make the Jets Trade Me.”
Dave Grohl
After news of his extramarital affair and illegitimate child broke, Grohl thought it would be a good move to put his band Foo Fighters on hiatus and pursue a career in politics.
The Undertaker
Another wrestler. We’re starting to think they’ve taken too many chair shots to the head. Anyway, The Undertaker’s campaign website does lay out some pretty interesting foreign policy proposals. Personally, I think this is who we’re going to endorse. Undertaker ’24!
