With each passing year, the NFL is making more things illegal, from rules protecting the quarterback to new guidelines on acceptable tackles in the secondary, and many, many more on their way. According to a leaked internal memo obtained exclusively by The Daily Skrape, here are 10 things the National Football League plans to forbid, starting with the 2024-2025 season.
Incomplete Pass
NFL commissioner Roger Goodell has insisted that outlawing the incomplete pass will make for a more competitive and higher scoring game. I guess we’ll have to wait and see next year.
Operating A Dogfighting Ring
Sorry to all aspiring dogfighters in the NFL, but you have Michael Vick to thank for this one. The NFL truly is the “No Fun League”
Chokehold
What? They’re outlawing the chokehold? I swear, past legends like Reggie White and Bruce Smith would’ve been considered dirty players in today’s game. To say nothing of former Steelers great Maurice “Chokehold” Chesterfield.
Stomach Punch
Well yeah, once the chokehold gets outlawed I figured the stomach punch would be right behind it. It’s practically flag football at this point.
Fake Punts
A study conducted in the offseason by the NFL found that many defensive players were suffering long-term psychological issues after being exposed to the betrayal and dishonesty inherent in the fake punt. Knowing what we know now, it’s the responsible thing to do.
Snakes
Defensive players are no longer allowed to bring poisonous snakes with them onto the field. It provides a clear disadvantage to the offensive players, it’s been decided. Yawn.
Threatening To Hurt The Ball Carrier’s Family
This tactic has been around for a while, and frankly, I think it’s about time the refs start flagging for it. I’m all for this one becoming against the rules.
Tube Sock Full Of Quarters
Defenses can’t use the ol’ sock full of quarters anymore. I guess they just want people to tackle with their arms and stuff. I barely recognize this game anymore.
Tickling
See, now this I don’t get. No one’s getting concussions or anything because of the tickling. The NFL just doesn’t think it goes with the image they’re trying to portray. It feels unfair to me, but there will now be a 5 yard penalty for the infraction (15 if you tickle the quarterback).
Taking the referee’s wallet
As much as we all love this part of the game, you have to admit, it kind of is bullying. Funny as hell, though. I’ll miss this one the most.
Well, we’re returning to the days when Jack Lambert suggested putting dresses on the quarterbacks.
There should be a rule against CRYING , in the NFL.
Butt pats. Unless are numbered patee or patter.
The DNC will review all trash talk prior to utterance for political correctness. Anyone caught using non approved terminology or espousing a viewpoint not inline with the tenets of Socialism will incur a 3,000 – yard penalty and forfeiture of the game and all human rights. Whooping Goldberg will be the new league Commissioner.