Boeing CEO Kelly Ortberg recently gave a celebratory press conference, proudly announcing that none of the company’s planes have fallen apart in a few weeks, sources have confirmed.
“Not bad, huh?” asked Ortberg, opening a bottle of champagne and high-fiving fellow employees. “Now reasonably speaking, we’ll never get them to stop falling apart all the way, that’s just unrealistic. But to be standing here and approaching an entire month without some high-profile dismantling of one of our aircraft? This is as good as it gets.”
While the company’s employees were delighted, the public grew concerned following the announcement.
“I feel like we’re living in two different worlds,” said onlooker Steve Wyatt. “Most people that fly on a plane just figure that it’s going to stay together. That’s sort of what you pay for when you buy a ticket. A seat, and the plane not falling apart. At least that’s how I always thought of it. Anyway, this is scary as hell and you couldn’t pay me to fly on a Boeing plane after the shit I’ve seen online.”
As of press time, the podium Ortberg was standing at had abruptly fallen apart.
You ever see the maintenance manual for a modern airliner? No? It takes a forklift to move the printed version. And mechanic’s pay isn’t as good as an auto mechanic in a good hot rod shop. That they don’t fall out of the air daily is a miracle, not the mechanics fault.
In the age of fly-by-wire, you’d think maintenance would be as simple as it is on a car? Plug into the port and let the computer tell the tech what to check and what to fix like it does on my GMC.
But no computer program will ever be able to detect incompetence or willful negligence on parts that don’t have a sensor or scheduled maintenance step. Bolts on doors come to mind here.
when the airlines cut corners, bad stuff happens. It’s ridiculous a pole dancer makes 5 times per hr what an A&P mechanic does.
A good restart,
A fine example of where DEI leads us……diversity equality and inclusion at the expense of qualifications and skills.