President Joe Biden mourned Jimmy Carter’s death today, insisting that the greatest aspect of the loss was the former president’s youth.
“Rest in peace, Jimmy. Shame to see you go so young,” said Biden, into a microphone that had to be amplified to its maximum volume in order to hear his low, raspy mumble. “I remember it was just this Fourth of July that his people and my people wheeled us out into a field and had us stare up at the fireworks for a while before we nodded off and were carried off to bed. He seemed so alive that night, so full of energy.”
Other prominent politicians echoed Biden’s sentiment.
“Really makes you realize how short life is,” said Gerry Connolly, the 74-year-old cancer-stricken Democrat who was recently appointed head of the Democrat Oversight Committee. “I know we like to think of ourselves as a bunch of young and in-touch people here in Washington, but is it possible that’s not the case? It really makes you think.”
As of press time, an inebriated Hunter Biden proceeded to give a very inappropriate eulogy for former President Carter. When officials intervened to stop him, his father Joe insisted he be allowed to continue.
At this point, Anything old slow Joe does is beyond explanation.
Joe 100 is old o wate you don’t have a Brain and Jill thing you do two people that lost there mine o my. How nice