In a dramatic announcement that seemed straight out of a celestial screenplay, President Trump declared that ISIS leader in Iraq, Abu Khadija, had been expedited to the “pearly gates of heaven” only to be redirected swiftly to the “gates of hell,” sources have confirmed.
This otherworldly update on anti-terrorism efforts was delivered with the President’s characteristic flair during a press briefing that left the room half-aghast and half-amused.
“Abu Khadija’s tour of the afterlife was very short-lived, much like his recent attempts to regroup ISIS in Iraq,” Trump quipped, suggesting a divine intervention in the war on terror. The President described the militant leader’s supposed celestial rejection as a win for celestial security, claiming that even heaven has its limits.
As the international community and theological scholars debate the implications of such a statement, Trump’s administration stands by the assertion that this marks a significant blow to terrorist morale.
As of press time, sources close to the administration were reportedly consulting various religious texts to bolster their understanding of the afterlife’s entry criteria, while the President was preparing his next briefing, rumored to involve an update on purgatorial immigration policies.
Keep up the Good Work Mr. President!!
It’s sad to say but half of Americans will be turned away as well. Coddling And protecting those who murdered and raped Americans . These kind including their helpers Which include every democrat / judge / protestor / politician Will sit in the real hell . Americans who are destroying this country for people who strangle a 9 month old and 4 year babies with their hands Then slice up their little bodies are The same fools that murder their own children . We must remove every terrorist from our soil.
And we know where and who they are. The last regime Loaded this country up Especially Michigan and Wisconsin with Muslims who are not here to do good . It’s called human replacements Europe has almost destroyed itself with Muslims . Islam doesn’t belong in America.Free speech doesn’t belong to terrorists or illegals or visa and green card holders Free speech is for legal Americans only .
Those who are Americans who join an protest for terrorists should be put in prison . And Those who are foreigners or illegals should be sent to the hells they say they came from Remember it was as so bad They recreated the hell they came from in America