In a bold move to curb crime, California’s Democrat leadership has mandated locking up shampoo bottles in stores, claiming it prevents thieves from “slipping into a life of crime”, sources have confirmed.
Governor Newsom hailed the policy as “revolutionary,” arguing that securing toiletries behind plexiglass saves potential criminals from temptation.
“No shampoo, no crime spree—it’s simple math,” Newsom declared at a San Francisco Walgreens, where shoppers now need ID to buy conditioner.
Retailers report skyrocketing costs for lockboxes, while customers grumble about 20-minute waits for soap.
Critics, including local sheriffs, call it “absurd,” noting actual criminals remain free while shampoo is caged. Still, progressive activists praise the move, insisting it’s “restorative justice for haircare.”
Some stores have even hired “shampoo escorts” to monitor aisles. Republicans mock the policy, with one state senator quipping, “Next, they’ll arrest toothpaste for aiding cavities.”
Democrats defend the locks as a “compassionate” deterrent, vowing to expand to deodorant next.
As of press time, Newsom was spotted pitching a reality show, Locked Up Luxuries, to fund the initiative.
R I D I C U L O U S !!! The extreme left lost all sense of ridiculous, not only in the US, but all over the world. Instead of punishing the bad guys, the State punishes the honest people. In Brazil, a 34 y.o. Mother was sentenced to 14 years in prison for writing a phrase on the basis of a statue. Meanwhile, a drug dealer arrested with close to 1 ton of cocaine was released upon arrest, and the drug returned to him. Police tried to charge him with possession of a gun restricted to Armed Forces. But the Judge ruled that the gun was his working tool, that he had a dangerous job, and used the gun for self protection. The irregular gun was also returned to him. That’s the extreme left: punish the honest and reward the criminal.