As the NFL season approaches, New York Jets quarterback and noted free thinker Aaron Rodgers has debuted his new helmet made mostly out of tin foil, sources confirmed.
“Don’t believe that bullshit they’ve been saying about concussions,” said Rodgers, addressing the media earlier today. “The real danger is in the 5G signals and chemtrails infiltrating our brains as we speak. I can shake off a hit, but what I can’t defend myself against on my own are the pervasive and suggestive thoughts from aliens being beamed into our conscious at all hours of the day, causing some of our most famous celebrities and politicians to secretly become lizards. Are you guys following all this?”
While certainly an unconventional approach to safety on the football field, Jets fans were optimistic that the tin foil helmet would help Rodgers lead the Jets to a winning season this year.
“Yeah, I think it’s definitely weird,” said Ryan West, a local Jets season ticket holder. “But that’s what you sign up for when you sign a guy like Aaron Rodgers. If wearing a helmet made out of tin foil and not the conventional polycarbonate is what he wants to play in, I think we should let him try. Can’t really go any worse than last season, right?”
As of press time, Rodgers had torn both of his ACL’s while throwing balls at practice, and is expected to miss the upcoming 2024-2025 season entirely.
These are so good even the subjects get a kick out of them I’m sure.
Free thinker? That’s one way to put it. Anyway, this is pretty funny.
5G and chem trails, he ain’t wrong.
Everything he said is accurate from the diligent research I have done. Hard to accept, but it’s true. Child trafficking and child torture are what is being hidden. 8 million children go missing each year worldwide. The news doesn’t talk about it because their handlers and elite friends are the ones doing it.
Just because concussions area real danger does not mean that EMP radiation is not a real danger. You do not seem to be able to follow rational thought.
Another reason not to watch celebrity football.