Sources confirm that members of the U.S. Senate were engulfed in a heated debate over the action film Die Hard and its status as a Christmas movie.
“Order! We will have order in the chambers,” demanded Vermont Senator Carl Pierce. “Let’s all calm down and try to realize that just because a movie is set on Christmas does not make it a Christmas movie. Die Hard features no snow, no presents, no children, no Santa Claus, and about four dozen people get brutally murdered. It’s a great film, but it does not belong on the shelf next to Elf and Christmas Story. Let’s be serious, everybody.”
However, the motion to recognize Die Hard as a Christmas movie had passionate defenders.
“There are a lot of ways to celebrate the holidays,” said Louisiana Senator Hank Corbin, one of Die Hard’s biggest supporters over the years. “Sure, sometimes you want to get cozy with the family and watch a classic, but sometimes you want to do a bunch of cocaine with your coworkers and watch some crazy shit after the company party. That’s my idea of Christmas. Who are you to tell me otherwise?”
As of press time, Congress agreed to take a four-week break and reconvene on the Die Hard matter whenever they all felt like it next year.
