After several years of unchecked inflation, a popular dollar store chain has rebranded itself the “Seven Dollar Tree,” to better reflect its current prices, sources have confirmed.
“We didn’t want it to come to this,” said Seven Dollar Tree (formerly Dollar Tree) CEO Rick Dreiling. “Earlier this year we raised our prices by a quarter, but that’s just not enough to keep up with everything that’s going on. That’s why starting on Monday all of our stores will be known as Seven Dollar Tree’s. Exact same shit you’ve been buying, it just cost seven times as much now. Welcome to America.”
Customers were shocked at the steep increase in the chain’s prices.
“I used to love coming here because you knew no matter what you found it would only cost a buck,” said local Seven Dollar Tree customer Sean Newman. “But now all of the off-brand potato chips and obscure sodas cost seven dollars apiece. It’s ridiculous. I’m not spending seven dollars on a ‘Bert Lightyear’ action figure!”
As of press time, Dollar General announced it would also be changing its name to reflect recent price increases, and will soon be known as ’20 Dollars in General.’
Another stupid decision
Lost a customer! That’s going to far. I’ll stick with Walmart.