Sources confirm that a sullen, depressed man has become convinced that Lexus’ annual “December to Remember” sales event has become too commercial.
“It’s just not the same,” sighed Bradley Thomas, as he wandered the lot of his neighborhood Lexus dealer. “The deals and wonderful Lexus products are still here, but it feels like all they want to do is sell me a car now. I remember when my dad used to bring us kids down here, we’d test drive cars and drink free coffee all day, and everyone had the time of their life. Now, you take more than a few cars out for a spin and they start busting your chops about whether or not you’re buying anything. It’s all different now. It feels joyless.”
“Now I know how Charlie Brown felt at Christmas,” he added.
Despite Thomas’ displeasure, Lexus representatives defended the sanctity of their annual event.
“We are just a car company, you know?” asked Koji Sato, CEO of Lexus. “I’m glad the guy used to have a good time with his parents, but he simply cannot bring his children down here and open presents on Christmas morning under that tree we have in our lobby like he keeps requesting. We’re not even open, and it would just be weird even if we were.”
As of press time, Thomas was going on a similar rant about something called “Huluween.”
