Analysts confirmed that the New York Jets are the first team statistically eliminated from the 2025-2026 NFL playoffs despite the regular season not starting for another nine months.
“There’s still a ton of things left to determine as far as next year’s playoff picture goes,” said ESPN anchor Brandon Hollis. “But one thing has been cemented, and that’s that the New York Jets will certainly continue their league-leading run of 14 years without reaching the postseason. Our condolences to the Jets fans of the world. We’d recommend switching over to the Giants if that looked any better these days, but, you know.”
Jets fans, while disappointed, were hardly surprised by the news.
“Well, shit, I guess there’s still hope for ‘27,” said Don Joseph Waller, a lifelong Jets fan. “I suppose it’s nice, in a way, to take the pressure off of next year and any hopes we might have had for a season full of anything less than heartbreak and the crushing of our souls. Now we can just have a good time and catch pneumonia at MetLife Stadium without the slightest hint of hoping for a positive outcome. Woohoo! J-E-T-S!”
As of press time, Jets quarterback Aaron Rodgers had been sacked during a game and broken several dozen bones in his leg.
Broke several dozen bones is his leg? Thank goodness, he’ll still have the other leg to kneel on (I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to boycott spending 1000s of dollars for expensive tickets).