Nikki Haley has lost yet another presidential primary to a non-entity, following up her Nevada defeat to “none of these candidates,” with a loss in yesterday’s Michigan primary to a note urging voters not to write below a certain part of the ballot, sources have confirmed.
“Definitely not the showing in Michigan we’d hoped for,” said Betsy Ankney, Haley’s campaign manager. “You generally want to place in the top two if you want to have a realistic shot at the general [election]. And I think this goes without saying, but you don’t want to lose to nonexistent things or instructions written on the voting form. That’s a real bad sign.”
Though seeming to outperform other runner ups like Mike Pence and Ron DeSantis, the loss is merely the latest in a series of blows to Haley’s presidential bid.
“Wow, this is a tough one,” said Haley, at her campaign headquarters shortly after receiving the news. “At least when I lost in Nevada it was fairly obvious that it was just Trump voters that couldn’t vote for their guy. With this though, it seems like more people fundamentally misunderstood the ballot’s instructions than actually wanted to cast a vote for me. I can’t help but think this doesn’t bode very well for my chances.”
At press time, Haley was rumored to be inquiring about the chances Donald Trump might want a young, female Vice Presidential candidate that nobody took seriously, a move pundits call “The John McCain.”
