Tragedy struck at the Olympic games earlier today when an average, run-of-the-mill shark seriously mauled several of the best surfers in the world, sources confirmed.
“That shark wasn’t even that big,” said Roger Statler, who was part of the gathered audience on the shore. “Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing anyone could’ve done, but when everyone started screaming about the shark in the water, I couldn’t help but notice it’s not as big as the ones you see on TV. But still, those elite surfers were just no match for it.”
Despite the unimpressive nature of the shark, most seemed to agree that it was the most athletically capable creature in attendance at today’s event.
“They say that shark was a typical blacktip reef shark, but I don’t know,” said Olympic surfing announcer Carl Hall. “It caught up with all of those Olympic athletes in no time at all. Call me a monster, but if they’re able to recover the gold medal from the wreckage, I think we should give it to the shark.”
As of press time, all further Olympic swimming, diving, and water polo events had been canceled, just to be safe.
As a surfer, I have seen my share of sharks in the waves and around everyone in the water. Most of them did not show aggression towards the surfers. This is a nightmare scenario for the surfers involved. I hope they all recover and will be back in action sometime soon. As for the idiot announcer, Do you think that you are being funny?? You F-N fool. You should be thrown in the water with the sharks.
Sharks are born swimming !
No details about names of injured, extent of injuries etc.? Just a stupid vacuous remark naming the shark the winner? This is the worst sports journalism I have ever seen.
Maybe because it’s obvious satire, James.
How can anyone with even a modicum of common sense not see this is not a real report? For Gawd’s sake please tell us you’re not old enough to vote!