PETA Pushes for Cake Reveal

In an effort to modernize old traditions and advocate for animal rights, PETA has proposed replacing Philadelphia’s cherished groundhog day tradition with a more colorful and less furry option: a rainbow-layered reveal cake, sources have confirmed.

The animal rights group claims that using a groundhog to predict weather is outdated and suggests that slicing into a vibrant cake is a cruelty-free way to determine whether spring will come early or if six more weeks of winter loom ahead.

“Punxsutawney Phil deserves a break from the spotlight,” a PETA spokesperson argued, “and what better way to celebrate spring than with cake?” The proposed cake would feature multiple layers in various colors, with each layer representing a different weather outcome. The exact mechanism of how a cake can predict weather remains unclear, but PETA assures that it will be “just as accurate as a groundhog.”

Local bakers have already begun experimenting with weather-forecasting confections, while meteorologists express skepticism but admit, “It can’t be less accurate than a rodent.”

As of press time, Phil the Groundhog was reportedly seen enjoying his potential early retirement, sunbathing under a heat lamp and snacking on carrot cake.