As the NFL season approaches and legal gambling reigns, New Jersey police have instituted a wellness check on a local man who had placed a disturbing wager on the Jets winning the Super Bowl.
“Look, we get it,” said Officer Randy Thorne, who breached the office and ensured the man hadn’t become a danger to himself or others. “I’m a Giants fan, and I’ll bet the money line on them here and there, knowing that it’s foolish. But I bet small amounts of money, and I’d never do something so reckless as to wager they’d get to the playoffs, let alone the Super Bowl. We just had to get in here and make sure this guy wasn’t completely out of his mind once we got the tip about his behavior.”
The chief of police said there’d been an uptick in these disturbing cases since the proliferation of legal gambling in recent years.
“It’s bad, and it’s getting worse,” said Chief Lou Benton. “I’ve seen some sick and twisted things in my life, but nothing like this. The guy bet $2,000 on the Jets to win the Super Bowl. It makes me sick. The son of a bitch has a family. Why don’t you bet on something realistic, like whether or not Aaron Rodgers’ knee will become shredded lettuce by the end of the first game he plays?”
As of press time, the police had determined that the man was of sound mind, for a Jets fan at least.
The police need to perform welfare checks on all people with pro-Kamala yard signs. Those idiots TRULY do need help!
I love this. I hope you don’t mind if I steal it and use it every time I see yard sign. I think I will post one next to it. It says we are going to perform a welfare. Check to see if you’re mentally fit to live alone.
YEP