In an unprecedented move, President Trump has issued an ultimatum to all Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion (DEI) offices across the nation: clean out their closets by 5pm, sources have confirmed.
This directive is part of Trump’s broader campaign to “streamline government operations,” which apparently now includes ensuring that DEI offices don’t have too much clutter.
“Let’s make our DEI offices great by making them empty,” Trump declared, sparking a flurry of activity as DEI staff scrambled to decipher whether he meant this literally or figuratively. Offices from coast to coast were seen hauling out old diversity training manuals, unused inclusivity posters, and piles of equity reports—items Trump described as “just taking up space.”
Critics have lambasted the move as symbolic of Trump’s dismissive attitude towards diversity initiatives, while supporters claim it’s just a practical measure to “clear up all that unnecessary paperwork and get down to business.”
As of press time, several DEI offices were reportedly repurposing their now-empty filing cabinets to store copies of Trump’s autobiography, “The Art of the Deal,” which has been suggested as the new standard reading for any remaining staff.
